God uses everything to talk to me… and once in awhile I hear.

I was watching a reality show last night.  It was a dysfunctional business, like a lot of businesses.  Some employees were stealing, some hated being there at all, and others couldn’t make the tough decisions and people walked all over them.  At first I was angry.  How could they steal from their employer?  Why is this guy on a job he obviously hates?  Why is she such a wimp?  Why don’t they take any responsibility?

As the show went on, I began to look at my own life; I stole from employers, maybe not money, but I loafed a lot and didn’t give them my best, I bad mouthed places that I worked at to other employees and pretty much anyone that would listen (in very subtle ways of course), I was a boss and kept employees on that I know needed to go.  So I am every one of these people… we are the same.

The show’s mc made each person see that there was a higher purpose than their own selfish desires or feelings, it was about making it work…for everyone.  Each needed to step up and take responsibility for their actions… or get out.  It wasn’t about complying, it was about commitment and, dare I say ‘caring”.

I went to sleep last night and woke up in this morning, thinking;  why am I not living the life I want, why am I giving lousy excuses for not living my dream, why am I talking trash about other people, why am I allowing people to take up space in my life when I know they shouldn’t be there?

So here’s what I saw in the show and, one more time, in my own life.  First there is awareness, that I’m the problem.  Second I have to pause, and feel that, own it.  Third, I have to ask, ‘What is the right thing here?’ no bull.  Fourth, be honest with the answer I receive.  Fifth, I have to trust, by taking the action necessary toward what I received, no excuses.

These are universal principles that are always true, God keeps showing me them over and over again, in different ways, because I keep falling into the error of my old thinking.  It is only from our experience of what doesn’t work that most of become willing to look at what does.  (We learn best from our mistakes) In some areas we are in perfect alignment with these principles and other areas… we have a lot to learn.  It’s progress not perfection.

The overriding principle that allows for growth is; it’s not about us individually.  When we come from the group as a whole, whatever group that is, business, family, team, church, or whatever, it allows us to get out of our self-centeredness enough to receive inspiration from whatever is there when our egos are out of the picture.

It is living from our connection to the group that we gro-up!

Asking: The Third Requirement (principle)

Once we’ve recognized that we don’t know (first requirement)…  paused and stopped thinking (second requirement)… we can lay out our concerns and ask something… other than our minds, a question.  We live in a world of seeming duality, right/wrong, up/down, left/right.  But we are three-part beings body, mind and soul.  We have within us our connection to our source, our soul.  Our source always was, always will be, and is present with us right now. When we ask our source (which contains all information that ever was or will be)… we open our minds to receive inspiration.  This is not thinking.  This is allowing what is there already to present itself so we can re-cognize, and express it.  Our problem comes from our thinking that we know what that should look like.  However, what we receive rarely looks like we think it should… because it didn’t come from our mind.  It is only when we bring our body and mind into alignment with our soul that we function as we were intended by our creator.

Something to remember:  the ego thinks it’s who we are and it’s fighting for its life.  It is only a fictitious character that we have come to believe in.  It uses our mind to convince us of its seeming reality, and it is flawless in its logic.  The ego is the “thin–king” we created.  It only knows the past.  The data of our life experience thus far.  It has conned us into thinking it’s who we are, and it doesn’t want to acknowledge any other authority.  This is why the second requirement, pausing, seems so difficult.  If we ask, without pausing and letting go of all thought, the ego answers, as it always does and logically re-creates the past.  That is why the order form of these principles is crucial.

Asking, once we’re still, allows us to recognize the truth that is there beneath our thoughts.  Principles never fail, we can only fail to apply them.

Scales From My Eyes

Most of my life, I never question what my mind tells me.  I like this, I don’t like that, this person is okay and that one’s an asshole.  I never questioned the authority of self… the mind that tells me what’s what.  What I find is that when I do question “my truth” I open up to a much larger truth.

I use my eyesight to navigate in the world and my perception is always accurate, to me.  You might say it’s my ‘truth’.  But that doesn’t make it “the” truth, it’s just my truth based on my life experiences.  My perception of what “the” truth is, is often distorted by some of my experiences. We each have our own perceptions based on our experiences.  But, you have to admit, our perception is sometimes distorted.  Our distorted perception has put scales in front of our eyes.  So let’s call our perception the ‘distorted truth’.

Underneath the distorted truth is apparent truth?  Apparent truth is what is apparently so.  Let’s say it’s 80 degrees outside.  That may be hot for some, nice for others, comfortable, uncomfortable, whatever but the apparent truth, it’s 80 degrees.  My eyesight, my opinion, or my distorted truth, has no effect on apparent truth, it’s just what it is, 80 degrees.  When I let go of the consciousness of what my distorted truth is telling me, I rise to what is apparently true and, I come closer to “the” truth.

With Awareness …that there just might be something more than apparent truth …and the willingness to Pause …and let go of what seems apparent,  I can let go of my worldly perception… (more scales from my eyes)… and begin to look from a new perspective …insight …Inner sight!  Instead of use my eyes with all their scales, I can Ask for a new perception, a new vision of what the truth is.  And I shall Receive.

Why?  Because, deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God… in the end, it is only there that it can be found.  When I ask that part of me for the new perception …what I then receive …doesn’t come from my mind …or the world’s view …it comes from the core of my being… God.  Creation itself.  And It’s always brand new… so it rarely seems like the right answer to me …because it didn’t come from my mind.

The question is not, will I receive.  The question is always, will I Trust enough to take action on what I receive, in spite of my eyesight and what seems apparent?

Do I ever misinterpret the messages I receive?  Absolutely, but this is a method I have found that really works!  Even when I make mistakes, it builds my relationship with my creator.  Not a theoretical or intellectual one …an actual living …day-to-day …personal relationship that grows stronger each day. And as the scales fall away, I begin to remember …who …I am.  And then I remember who you are …we are no longer separate or apart from …we are a part of the whole.  I find the word ‘holy’ a very interesting word.  My definition is:  The conscious recognition that we are equal parts of the one whole. We are One.

So anytime you don’t like how you’re feeling, try …  Taking it A.P.A.R.T.  … so it can come together!

For more info on the APART method or to schedule a talk or workshop please contact me at:

paul@possidude.com  or (951) 751-7541

The Core of Selfishness

I woke up around 5:45 am and started planning my day, the problems I might have, how to get it all done, the regular stuff.  I managed to mumble some kind of a prayer about God directing my thinking.  When I rolled over, my girlfriend was standing there wishing me a good morning….

She lives a few houses away.  I told her a hundred times I need my space in the morning and I felt the anger start.  I wanted to yell at her and throw her out, but I ‘knew’ something else… she climbed into bed (fully clothed) and wrapped herself around me… I asked God, what is going on here?  I just let, what is, be.  I started to feel something in my stomach… it felt good… this woman loved me.  Here she is offering me all this love and I want to throw her out.  Isn’t this what I’ve wanted my whole life… someone to just love me unconditionally?  I started to ask myself, what the hell is wrong with me.  I hadn’t noticed until then that when I first woke up I wasn’t feeling anything at all… it was all thought, and none of it very good.

But now, I was feeling good…  I rolled over to face her… I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was… how good she felt in my arms.  She got me out of my head with all its crazy thoughts, and into my body.  When I’m centered in my body, I feel good… when I feel good, I thank God for the feeling… when I thank God for the feeling, I appreciate life… when I appreciate life, I see the beauty of life everywhere.

And then it hit me, what my problem was and always has been… I’m so dam selfish!  I’d rather hang onto my own miserable thoughts than allow myself to experience the love that is constantly being offered to me by my creator through whatever is present in the moment.  I hold onto my own ideas at all costs.  It’s like I thumb my nose at the gift of life and try to create my own version of heaven, which usually turns out to be hell.

I read recently that the highest thoughts are those that contain joy… the highest words are those that contain truth… the highest feelings are those that we call love… these things are of God… anything else is not of God.  It matters not where you begin… one always leads to the other… thought… word… deed…

When she offered me the love and I let myself have it, my feelings changed… when my feelings changed, I told her how wonderful she was… when I told her the truth, my thoughts changed and I couldn’t even remember what I was worried about… I was living in God’s world… full of appreciation and love.  And by leaving the sex out there was no danger of perverting this moment into something selfish.

I recognized that it is only my selfish pursuit of my misdirected thoughts that produce my own misery.  Thank you God for that awareness!

Start At the Beginning

I was re-minded today as I did some yoga stretches, the importance, or rather necessity, to start at the beginning each and every time in everything I do.  I don’t claim to be a regular student of yoga or anything but the thought came to me to just relax in the child’s pose until my joints and body let go before I could move on to anything else.

That thought went to  a scripture that came to me about “unless you become as little children you shall never enter the kingdom of heaven”.  Which lead to the first step in the twelve steps ‘admitted I was powerless and my life was unmanageable’ .  Then I re-membered Christ’s comment ‘of myself I am nothing, my father doeth the works through me’.

All of these references to surrender…  these are not comments or thoughts, they are living applications of a spiritual principle… a truth that never fails.  Surrender is the first basic principle in anything.  My thoughts are not who I am… my thin-king is what separates me from who I am… until I surrender what I’m thinking, I won’t be open to receive the in-spirit-action of that presence of which I am.

In yoga, letting go of my resistance enables me to feel good because as the body stretches it expands and I open up to a larger experience of it.  Anytime I surrender…  ‘what I think I know’…  I am enabled (inwardly-abled) to receive even more from the source of who I am.  I build awareness of this presence as I practice applying surrender or letting go in my daily activities.  Most certainly I will be caught up in my thinking, but the more I practice this principle the more awareness I have.  The more awareness I have, the more I live from inspiration, the more my world expands… it’s so simple…

for such a complicated guy like me.

 

Amend: I am-end… closure, the past tense of amen

Did you ever have someone who was very difficult for you to deal with, yet they just seemed to be there, always.  For some reason you didn’t throw them away.  Everyone else did… but you just can’t seem to do it.  It’s like you can see their goodness when others can’t.  So, you learn to protect yourself… yet still be there for them.  You always tell them the truth you see in them; you learn that anger doesn’t work here.  Why would you get angry at a sick friend?  Often you think; ‘they’re draining the life right out of me’ and then you remember… there is no end to love, it’s infinite, it’s like the air we breathe.  I never worry about having enough; it’s everywhere…  so you dig a little deeper.   It’s a mystery to you, where the words come from, but somehow, even when you don’t think you have any…  they’re there.  At times like these the gratitude just wells up inside you and you recognize what a gift this person is to you because you can feel that loving presence become who you are… unconditional love… no requirements… agape love…  and you weep like a baby.

As you learn to detach yourself and just offer the truth with no expectations… sometimes they change; the ones that can… and then there are the other type that can’t change.  They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way.  One way or another, they leave you.   But they are never really gone.  They have become a part of you… a very powerful and important part, for they have helped  you remember unconditional love, the only true love, agape love, God love.  Once we remember who we truly are, we are never satisfied with anything else, and it changes us forever.

I had such a person in my life, maybe many, but this one I didn’t throw away.  He is gone… yet he remains, still helping me wake up from my nightmare of separation.  I remember him coming over to my house time and time again…  the endless phone calls, sometimes ten or more a day… the opportunities he gave me to remember who I am… every time I answered the call.  How my mind would struggle to surrender the story I made up about how much work this guy was…  I’m sure I wasn’t always loving… he’d often ask me “why do you put up with me Paulie”.  And God would use me to talk to him about unconditional love… again.

Like most things in life, I didn’t know what was happening when it happened; I only got to look at in retrospect.  I hurt a lot of people in my life, some on purpose but mostly it was collateral damage done by an injured mind.  In recovery, I try to repair the damage done as I go through the steps, and this is as it should be, but the real amends happens when I’m not looking.  God works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.  I got to make amends for some of my past through my friend.  As It turned out he got to make some amends to his family and me through a life insurance policy. He gave me the ability to make financial amends to the people I owe, and pay my portion of my daughter’s college education, something I would not have been able to do otherwise.

I used to wonder: Why is it that I don’t go to my creator for everything in my life instead of trying to ‘figure it out’ in my mind?   Well… here I am… three months after my friend passed away, in a Conversations with God retreat, paid for by the money from my friend…  listing to God speaking through Neale Walsch… explaining exactly why that is.  I put it here in my own words:

In order for God to experience himself in.. as… and through me… there needs to be a conceptual field that contains the opposite of that.  Where my body and mind are at, in relation to my soul (which knows exactly who I am), determines how strong (how seemingly real) the conceptual field appears in order for me to become aware of divinity… as me.  Whatever it takes for me to wake up, and recognize my divinity, whether its seemingly major problems… or maybe just the memory of that feeling of separation.  The sooner I realize…  “it’s just the field I’m looking at, not the reality” … the sooner I live… and recognize divinity… but without the conceptual field… there is nothing other than divinity… all there is… so divinity would not be able to experience itself as that.  Divinity needs the appearance of something that is not to have experience of what it is.

By loving my friend, which seemed to me to be a problem at first, I now see that he represented the field to me.  Divinity, as me could see that his bi-polar behavior was not who he was, it was just his conceptual field.  As I began to look for (real eyes) the divinity in him, and ask for the divinity in me for the words to speak to him… the field would collapse… often bringing one or both of us to tears.  For me, the tears were of ecstasy of the presence of God that moved through us.  And in that moment we are both healed, only in that moment of now.  But it is always now.

When I ask God why anyone would have to have bi-polar disorder… I saw that we all do… we go from believing in separation to realization of our divinity all the time… we’ve been living in a world of duality and we are evolving to real eyes we are triad beings, soul mind and body.  My mind is not for figuring out my soul, it is for carrying out my soul’s agenda.  The truth is my friend represented the conceptual field for everyone he came in contact with; just as we all do for each other.

As another wonderful “bringer of the light”, Stephen Covey, says;  “between stimulus and response there is a space, in that space lies my freedom to choose my response, in my response is my freedom and my happiness”.

The soul’s agenda… it really is ‘the Only Thing That Matters’.  Thank you Neale!

You Can’t Help It

I was talking with a friend today about walking in the real world, not the world as we see it with our physical eyes, but in the world as our creator sees it.  We had a conversation around asking for the right perception as we go through today’s day.  We both committed to ask for the presence that is who ‘I am’, our soul, our spirit, our savior, or just plain something (#1 name for God) to guide us and show us how to walk in this day… each step.

Now I know I won’t be able to do that perfectly, probably, if I’m  lucky (Gods nickname), I’ll remember to ask for that presence a few times today.  But, if I don’t quit, I can’t fail.  If I do it today as often as I can and I do it one day at a time, I’ll build an awareness of what it feels like.  As we walked together in this conversation, my friend said to me “I feel like I’m walking in the Garden of Eden”.  And we were, because when I let go of the “things” of the world (all my thoughts), the truth underlying them presents itself in its fullness and the world, as it was intended by its creator is revealed.

As we were saying our goodbyes, my friend was thanking me and I was thanking him and he was saying how grateful he was for our little talk.  I shouted out to him “you can’t help it”.  And you can’t help it.  The truth does not need my help.  I need to align myself with it.  When I do, I can see the world new in each moment, when I don’t and I try to help it along, I get caught in the mire and lose my awareness of love’s presence.  That’s okay, I’m going to do that, but as often as I can, I can let go and ask for that presence to be there and it will because the truth is always true, everywhere, and in all ways.  Thank you very much!