I am not who I “used to be”. I ‘used’ people, places, and things to ‘be’ who I “thought” I should be. When the things I used were taken away, nothing was left. Or so I thought. Turns out, who “I am” is infinitely more than I ever thought I could be. Most of us are afraid of our own power, not our personal power but the real power that operates in us, through us, and as us. How could that be, you ask?
Imagine, if you will, all of us, each and every one, constantly being inspired with new thoughts and ideas from our creator. As children we began to receive these inspirations. Remember now, they’re brand new, never been on the planet before. We try to express these ideas to someone, our parents, maybe. But to them, these ideas sound strange, they never heard anything like them before of course, because they’re new. Our parents go to their brain (the database of info) and the brain says, ‘ridiculous, nothing like that here’. So your parents turn to you and say something like “don’t be ridiculous, that’s a crazy idea”.
We don’t want to be looked at as crazy, so we push the idea away… this doesn’t just happen one time… over and over again… don’t be stupid… you’re crazy… that will never work… or, my personal favorite “who do you think you are?”. All of this of course makes us question the truth moving through us and we begin to separate ourselves from who we are and we learn to shut of the inspiration. We can’t really do this but we can dismiss it as “ridiculous” instantly, using our brain’s programmed logic. Internally, we “know” something is missing and we begin the game of trying to find that ‘something’ outside of ourselves.
I “used to have” a lot of things. I “used” people, places, and things so I could “have” what I thought would make me happy (although my ego was very good at hiding this). If only I had more money, property, prestige, more people loved me, more sex, ad infinitum. You get the picture. It never works for very long.
The bottom line, we’re afraid. Afraid of who we really are. Afraid of a power, that power, that I am presence that is our very source, the power that beats our heart and breathes our breath, call it what you will. We “think” the power is outside of ourselves. In that character we made from our imagined reality, we feel unworthy of its presence. We try to project that power outside of our self and then judge our self with our own projection. Insane, isn’t it. (so our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making… although we usually don’t think so) Check your own track record. See if it isn’t true in your life.
The character (ego) that we made doesn’t give up easily. It will try to deny these accusations. Like weeds, the ego just wants to survive, but if we don’t want weeds in our yard or our ego running our life anymore we have to recognize, and get rid of them every time they pop up. But just like ridding the yard of weeds doesn’t create the yard we desire, we have to put the things we love in, so we can create that life we desire. It’s important to remember, however: there’s only One Garden.
The creativity that is who I am needs to co-operate with the creativity of that I am presence in you to produce what our creator intended us to experience. Every aspect of creation is equally important and necessary. You already know this. I am simple re-minding you in case you temporarily forgot, so you can re-mind me when I do.
The Twelve Steps are a method I apply that can remove the weeds from my garden, there are countless others. If you seek out a method you will find it. Seek out an experienced gardener that uses that method and learn from them. You may even create your own method although that’s a lot more difficult. If you do, do it with a friend, because the ego can’t see itself.
In moments of self-doubt, when the world tells you you’re crazy and nothing makes sense, and you don’t think you’ll make it, and you can’t remember anything you’ve ever read:
Be still and know, “I am God!” and “I am with you always!”